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As their Mother, though, I used to go to bed at night wondering who didn’t get the amount of attention they needed and deserved that day since I was so preoccupied with just getting through and dealing with minor emergencies. As a result, I started seeking opportunities to get to know our children outside of the group. I started “Special Mommy Day”. These dates with one parent are so precious. 
Taking young triplets out in public can be overwhelming. Pushing a 7 foot long stroller with a diaper bag the size of Texas invites comments. I would always think to myself, “Just keep moving.” Because as soon as you stopped a crowd would gather and the rude, prying comments would start and it always threw me for a loop. Utter strangers would say, “Were you on drugs?”; “Oh, my, I feel so sorry for you.”; “I think I’d shoot myself.”; “Better you than me”. However, with just one child it was like being on vacation! No more wild stares from the public or inappropriate comments. Instead we received simple smiles and kind comments for a Mom enjoying her child. I extended this one on one time as a positive reward during the tumultuous 2 and 3 year old years. I had a small white marker board in the kitchen and each child would start their day with their name on the board. Their names remained on the board if they followed two simple rules (be kind, be respectful). These rules were introduced one at a time and initially they were given warnings when their behavior would threaten their status on the board. If their name was still on the board at the end of the day they would get rewarded by one on one time. Some days it was Mommy reading a story individually to them. Other days it was computer games with Mommy. The one on one time evolved into helping Mommy around the house. I was surprised to see how much joy they got trotting along behind Mommy doing the laundry. They loved helping around the house during their reward time so much that I used this time to introduce and train them in how to accomplish some basic chores. Once they demonstrated readiness I came up with a chore chart and their sense of independence was a huge incentive for them (“My do it, mama!”). Finding ways to highlight their individuality was so important to me at that age. For their two year old birthday I made a photo album with pictures only of them. One on one shots with Grandma, Pop Pop and Uncle EE were printed out on my computer with captions like, “Uncle EE thinks Emily is funny”. Now that they are reading they pull out these albums and read them over and over. I was so glad I went to the trouble of writing those captions. It helps them define what they believe about each other and even serves as positive reinforcement for behavior. “Nick loves to pet his kitty gently”; “Emily loves to read”; “Luke uses his inside voice at Grandma’s house”.Finding ways to elevate the good instead of focusing on the negative behavior during the preschool years was a challenge at times. More than once Mommy needed a time out just as much as my triplets except Mommy’s time out required a beer! When they were around 2 years old there were times they acted like one huge child with three heads, six feet and six arms instead of three children. I found that seeking out opportunities to have them play independently encouraged their sense of self and helped their behavior. They needed to be separated from the herd in order to see that their self control was independent of the group. I began by placing one child in a pack n’play behind the couch away from the main play area but still within my sight. I gave them some special toys and set a timer. Initially I would only require them to be in “private time” for a few scant minutes. Enough to allow them succeed easily. They grew to truly enjoy this uninterrupted quiet time. They didn’t have to share and they could focus on something for a longer period of time. Eventually I worked up to 20 minutes of private time a day per child. Private pack n’ play time evolved into group reading time. Everyday I would take my crew to the basement next to my computer and they would drag out little pillows to sit on that were out of sight of each other. I would then hand each child a stack of picture books and set a timer. There was no talking allowed and I used this time to check e-mail and take a break. HEAVEN! Again, I started requiring this for only a couple of minutes to ensure success and eventually built up to twenty five minutes. At five and a half, we did room time. Each child was assigned a room to play in by themselves for a defined period of time. Invariably this happened later in the day as their tempers begin to rise and they need to be reminded that it is a blessing to have siblings. They get a chance to cool off and after private time is over they always play nicely together again. Sometimes, all they need is permission to separate from the pack in order to reconnect with their individuality. It worked for me!
Has your home been blessed by more than one child? Maybe your quiver is full and you worry about finding the quality time to give each little person in your life the attention they need. My kids came to me as a flock and I've always looked for ways to break them out of the herd. I want to discover and nurture their individual talents as best I can. I find they thrive when focused on as the only child for a few precious hours.Have you thought of other ways to do this? E-mail me and I'll post the responses here. 
